How to move on after mistakenly making a sex tape
According to reports, Chidinma Okeke was born into a good family with good upbringing and was provided all the basic needs to live a good life but how ever, things happen.
Before I continue I’m gonna tell you this “clears throat”: Don’t doubt people’s threat especially if they truly have something against you. To win all sorts of blackmails you’ll need more than your wisdom. I mean you’ll need all the wisdom you can get.
We’ve heard of past boyfriends blackmailing their long time girlfriends all because they got to know she is in money now, whether self-made or from her current boyfriend or husband. We’ve also heard executive ladies falling into traps of blackmailers and scammers all because of their sexcapades (affairs) outside marriage.
And most of the time when these things (threats) come, people surrender to them easily especially youths by paying them (the blackmailers) off thinking this will work, and get them off their backs but unfortunately it doesn’t.
Let’s look at it this way, if you have a way of getting 500,000 naira anytime you need it or let’s say, once a month without stressing a muscle, the natural thing that will come to you is to keep that source coming in. To continue dashing in and you’ll do anything to keep it that way. Why? Because it’s cheap.
Although once in a while, you might feel guilty and want to stop but you just can’t (especially when you consider how much easy cash you get).
Yes, blackmailers are humans, they are not robots.
Chidinma Okeke’s sex tape was not the first sex tape to be released but hers did spread like wild fire (not that the rest too didn’t spread too). Who knows why? Is it because she is well known due to the pageantry she won? However, it was a huge scandal in Nigeria because here in Nigeria culture and traditions is number one (if you know what I mean).
Some said what made the video worse was that it showcased lesbianism that it would have been better if the video was normal (a video of her and a man having sex) but to me this is not true. It is still the same rejection Chidinma got know she will get even if the video was showing her having sex with a man. I felt for her especially because this happened to her at an extremely young age. She was about 19 years when this happened. I mean who could deal with that at that young age? Even I can’t deal with it at that young age.
Before Chidinma ’s sex tape, there was one which also stood out. That of Kim Kardashian’s. She made the tape with her then boyfriend Ray j. Some news say they purposely made the sex tape in other to kick start their carrier in the entertainment industry. While some news said Ray j released the sex tape because he was not happy that Kim moved on with her life easily after their break up (probably, he expected her to try and make their relationship work no matter what).
Which of this story is true?
We don’t know.
All we know is that it later turned to success for both of them whether they did it knowingly or unknowingly. They both got royalties on the sex tape (from companies who bought the sex tape and resold to the final consumers) and they are still getting these royalties till today.
For those of us who don’t know. Sex tapes have been in existence as far back as the VHS (video tapes) time. They look like porn but however they are not porn. Porn is a film, it was acted, there were script to follow but on a sex tape?
There’s no acting, there are no script to follow, no rules, no hoes barred. Just two people having sex and a camera recording and in rear cases a cameraman. They said the main reason why this is done is for the keep (so it can be kept in archives) but obviously it doesn’t it does seem that way.
So far on my research, i have come to the conclusion that there are three types of sex tapes. The VHS sex tape which is also called the old or vintage sex tape, the movie kinda sex tape (this sex tape is called that because it is made with a camera used in shooting movies), and the mobile phone sex tape (these sex tapes are filmed with a phone).
When you hear “it’s a man’s world” it’s not just a saying. Ladies might not like this fact (not that I too like it either) but that is true on this story. Kim Kardashian was about 23 years old when this happened to her and still she was not able to take the news well not to now talk of this happening to her when she was 19 but her mom was right there to help her, console her, and now she has left that news behind, and moved on with her life.
Although there are ladies who make and release their sex tape purposely (just to gain waves and attention on the internet). “Yeah! I know it’s awkward” That’s the same way I felt when I also saw this. Due to my job, I no longer have time to watch news on TV so I opt for online news since it mobile and I could read anytime, anywhere as long as I have internet.
That was how I saw the headline “lady who released her sex tape online explains why she did it”
and so I read because I was curious to know why she did it. I barely read the news to the end.
Moving on, Chidinma never foresee this happening, she didn’t plan for hers (it’s not that there used to be plan in this kind of thing). According to the news online, her tape leaked because she didn’t fulfill her own side of the bargain of a particular agreement. Here’s how the story went according to news online.
In 2015 she ran for Miss Anambra and won but with a condition. Some news said she made the sex tape to make some quick cash, another news said she made the sex tape to bribe a major organizer of the contest. However, the investigators of the scandal said it wasn’t only chidinma and her P.A that was in the video. There was another lady, a third lady that was the one using her camera phone to capture the scene.
In fact according to the investigators, they said she later joined in the video but apparently her scene was cut from the video before it was uploaded on the internet. It is said that all those behind the blackmail have been arrested and are behind bars including the big man, the main brain behind this scandal.
And Chidima had to be relocated in other to save her from the blackmailers and to stop her from killing herself.
But besides all these, how can we move on from a sex tape saga especially Chidinma? How can she move from this and get on with her life.
People say that there are some mistakes that are detrimental that it’s better not to make such mistakes but what if we make harmful mistakes?
What if Chidinma was my kid sister? How will I guide her and help her live on. Well if crap happens. This is how to move on.
1. Stop living in denial:
The best way people protect or shield themselves from this kind of happening is putting themselves in denial (not believing something tragic has happened to them).Putting yourself in denial is just going to make things worse because this disease locks out solutions.
So the first step is to wake up and smell the coffee. Acknowledge and wake up, know this has happened and think of or seek possible solution on how to move on.
2. Agree that there’s no perfection when it comes to living life:
I use to think these way (thinking that there must be perfection when it comes to living the life) until I reprogrammed my mind. My former me will think before he laughs, he will think before always talk (who said it must always be), he will think before eating, he will always be mindful of not stepping on people toes and so on until I stopped caring(not 100%) about all these things and just live life.
I wanted to be perfect that’s why I did all these
things not knowing that imperfection is what makes me human. Why did I do these then? To see be able to see my mistakes before they come also known as calculated mistake. I thought it will work and make my life better but unfortunately, it didn’t.
The funny thing about life is that even when you are trying not to make mistakes, you still make mistake. Been extraordinarily careful does not guarantee a mistake free life. So how about just living life. Mistakes come that why we learn. The fact that this has happened does not mean you should go live in a cave. Do not isolate yourself. God made man to socialize. Stay social!
3. Short everything out:
If there is a time to stay away from the internet, it’s now. This is a time there should be black out in your life. I’m suggesting staying away from the internet because at this time there will be all kinds of news about you rotating the internet. And reading these will make you feel worse so just stay away till you’re emotionally sound to handle them.
4. Forgive yourself:
You really need to forgive yourself. It’s natural for humans not to want to offend people but can we do without that? You will always piss people off. Be willing also to forgive yourself of all the mistakes you have done. This will give you closure.
5. Make sure you really learn your lesson:
It is important to learn our lesson in situations like these. Be playful but still be sober, be relaxed but still be sober. What Chidima did was not scary or surprising for a girl of that age but you know how our society is.
So in situations like this, we have to make sure we’ve really learnt our lessons and live pass this. However, people might still remind you of it (your past) you just have to move on.