How Our Fantastic Sex Life Almost Destroyed Our Marriage

Sex is a good thing! At least that was what I was told before our marriage.

We got married exactly two years ago and there have been no regrets so far. We thank God we did this because it has been the best decision.

I love my wife “Tade” and she feels the same way. If our love can be measured by a love meter, it will be glaring that Tade loves me more! I still remember the day we met it was as if our hormones went on a sky dive.  I met her at a popular supermarket here in Lagos; she was about leaving when I came in.

Have you ever met someone and boom you guys feel that attraction towards each other?

I mean sexual attraction. That was how I felt that day. Don’t get it twisted it’s not lost or anything. It’s just pure attraction. No offense I have heard some so-called Christians say it’s a sin to feel sexual attraction towards a lady or vice versa.

Well, here is news flash for you. To me it’s not a sin to feel sexual attraction towards a lady especially if she also feels the same way. That’s our bodies for you. The issue is how you control this feeling.

I’ll say again.

It’s not a sin to feel sexual attraction towards the opposite sex but it’s a sin to have sex with these people based on this attraction. Here I was lost in my thoughts while looking at this amazing girl before I realized she was also looking back. Scared at this, I looked away and about 5 minutes later I looked back again and at this time she looked at me and smiled.

She was done with her shopping and she headed straight to the car park. As being the gentle man I am and not willing to let this damsel slip through my fingers. I pursued her and followed her to her car. Our conversation started with me saying “Hi” and now we are married, happily married!

For the fact that I and Tade are sexually attracted to each other made our sex life great but however the kids didn’t come when we wanted them. So we stopped the desperation and focused more on ourselves “enjoying our marital bond”.

Just like our sex life was great every part of our life was also great “at least to me”. You say you have PDA has a couple? Trust me! You don’t show PDA like us. I was not shy and neither was my wife shy about the fact that we are attracted to each other. In fact my wife was better at this. 

Our dinner was always special because this was always a special time to treat her like my baby that she is “feed her” and tease her and after dinner it was time to pet her to sleep which she can’t do without sleeping on my chest. I still make jest of her that she has turned my chest to pillow even when we had five pillows on our bed. 

There is this Saturday I can never forget in a hurry.

I was at home and we had a surprising sex meeting “that’s what I call it”, we made love right in the kitchen. On this exceptional day, I was in the sitting room watching football when I decided to assist her in the kitchen.

So I left for the kitchen. I was helping out with the dishes, one thing led to another and it happened. Don’t blame me, I just couldn’t get enough of her and neither could she get enough of me. Sex was our thing!

I and my wife always did everything together. We showered together; moisturize our bodies together and always dressed up together but something happened one day. I was in this cozy moment with my beautiful wife at a night party (don’t worry, we made sure we were alone) and in 30 seconds I was done.

I mean I literally came. Full of disappointments, I didn’t say anything till we got home, not even when we got home.

It was time to sleep; we were on our bed when she cuddled up to me. Don’t worry, maybe its tension. You know were at a party. I too was scared that someone might knock or open the door “she said” but still that didn’t take the pressure off me. 

I literally felt like my strength was taken from me.

I did not know why but I just felt that way, and as time went by I began to wallow in depression as things did not improve. It was still the same o same o. In fact it got to a time sex began to look like work to me. Can’t say about my wife but that was the way it felt. I couldn’t even get an erection.

That was when we realized it was time to see our therapist, our sex therapist. As I left for work on Monday morning I sluggishly called him. “Hello!” He said. Doc, it’s me Segun. “I know Segun” he said. Pls we need to see you. We are having some issues. “Ok! Can you guys come in on Friday by 6pm?” He asked.  Yes! I think that’s ok by us. We will come around by that time. Thank you doc!

We got in on Friday and he ran some test. We even had a session with him. “So Segun can you tell me what exactly is the issue?” The doc asked. Doc our sex life has gone down the drain. I’m beginning to find it hard to make love with my wife. I find it hard to get erections and when I do, I come almost immediately. “Tade! What is the issue?” He asked.

I’m beginning to get tired of sex. I no longer get aroused by him no matter what he does.

Let me just say. I’m no longer attracted to him. “Ok! Who is going to leave the house for who?” He asked. Basically, he suggested that one of us needed to leave the house for another at least for a month if we want to revive our sex life and our marriage inclusive. He didn’t tell us the reason why we must do this. He just told us what will happen if we don’t do it. 

So we got home that day and concluded that I will leave the house. Thankfully, my 22 days leave was supposed to start from next week so I left home the next day for north. My friends had been telling about Obudu Ranch Hotel, so I decided to give it a try. I landed at the ranch after some few hours I left home and booked an executive suite.

Don’t ask me why. This was what I wanted.

I got to my room ordered tea and just slept as per the stress of travelling took a huge toll on me. I woke the next day feeling energetic. The next day, I did some writing and in the evening I walked around the ranch to take pictures with the amazing animals around the ranch, the chimpanzees, the monkeys, the giraffes, and the likes.

I basically did this almost every day because I enjoy doing them but I must say I miss Tade. Although, we talk once in a while on phone and whatsapp and crack jokes, I still miss her. That’s not enough because I have to stick with the plan if I want to save my marriage. So I just kept on with it and besides, I loved the feeling of missing my wife. It’s made me realize I was beginning to want her.

One night I was my bed reminiscing on the good times I spent with my wife then I slept off. Waking the next day, I woke with a text on my phone saying “baby! It’s time to come home, I miss you” and 8 missed calls accompanied with it. On seeing this I ditched breakfast and packed for Lagos to be with my queen.

That day 31st of March 2017 was the best day of my life. We made love countless times. I guess it’s because we have missed each other so much. We also had dinner in bed. I just had to call my doctor to inform good news. We booked an appointment on Saturday and went to see him. What he said that day amazed both of us and still amazed me till today.

He said we focused so much on our sex life and had sex till we were no longer hungry or desperate for it. He said just because we can do something (have sex) 100 times doesn’t mean we should do it. Sometimes instead of sex seek intimacy. Kiss and cuddle more, cuddle in bed. Give hugs and pecks on your out and on your way in not sex.

“If it’s possible to starve yourselves.” he said. Starve yourselves as this will make you guys want each other more. Talk more in real life and talk less when you guys are on phone with each other. “Basically, do not abuse sex because it is there”, he said. There are other things you guys can do (intimacy). This will bring you guys closer than you think.

Thank God we took this advice.

That was how we saved our marriage. Our fantastic sex life almost destroyed our marriage but we thank God we were able to discover this and counter it. Thumbs up to my therapist and thumbs up to my wife. Tade! I love you and will always do.

Mr. Olabisi.

Image Credit to: StockSnap


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