Disability in Nigeria: How To Cope With a Disabled Wife

No one prays for disaster, calamity, tragedy, catastrophe but it happens. Some say its life, some say its destiny, and some say its karma. Well, this might be true and it might be lies but all this still boils down to one thing.

It has happened!

The question is how do we live with it?

How do we cope with a wife whose needs are special?

Most men who have not experienced this in one way or the other think there’s a clear difference between a disabled spouse and a spouse living with special needs but this is absolutely false.

An uncle friend of mine who married a deafened lady as far back as 12 years ago and my uncle whose wife became lame few years into their marriage [due to an auto accident] opened my eyes to this.

It opened my eyes to see how possible it is to love and cherish a wife with a disability. Aside from these people, Jon Morrow “His Royal Awesomeness” the man behind SmartBlogger.com and Unstoppable.me also showed me how possible this is by living his dreams despite his condition.

If you don’t know Jon Morrow you should read this article from him 7 Life Lessons from a Guy Who Can’t Move Anything But His Face.

I bet you it will change your life!

Now, how do you cope with a wife living with a disability?

If you really trust me on this topic,  I’ll try my best in giving you the best solutions that will work based on my experience so far but however, I know these solutions will not be enough so I’ll implore you to get more [materials] on this topic.

How to Cope With a Wife Living With Special Needs?

1. Do not put yourself in denial, accept this is now part of your life

The first thing a man should do when faced with this is to accept this is really happening. The earlier he accepts this, the earlier he’s going to be able to live with it and cope with it. If he does not, he’ll make life harder for himself and his beautiful wife.

2. Pull your strength from God and The good people around You

I must say even this article might not go as far as God helping you. You need strength from God.

One of my mentors will say “we all need strength, even the strongest of us all need strength”. Jesus disciples drew strength from themselves. Superman drew strength from Lois Lane. So not drawing strength is like a river forgetting its source.

Do not believe that you can handle every situation, challenges on your own. See God and those around you as your supporters like when football players have a supporters club. Let them cheer you. The most amazing thing about these people is they believe in you even when you don’t believe in yourself.

Tell God your deepest wishes and pains, he’ll understand.

3. Be blind to all other women but your wife

This is a required rule from every man whether married to a special needs wife or not because; not doing this will put your marriage at risk.

Truth be told, magazines have now altered the mind of everyone especially women on how a man or a woman should look like that’s why more women do plastic surgeries than men these days.

If you’ve gone through a magazine recently, you’ll agree with me that it shows only men with six packs, brown hair and blue eyes and for the women, it shows women with only the perfect breast and butt. If any man focuses on this, he’s in big trouble.

Reality is; if you want to know how beautiful and unique your wife his you have to be blind to the perfectionism you see in the world. Doing this will not only help your mind in loving your wife the more but it help your wife with her self-esteem.

4. Don’t just tell your wife you love her, show it

You know there are lots of talks these days and fewer dos. Don’t join men who do this. Please show your wife you really love her and you love her just the way she is.

How can you do this?

Mean every word you say and say every word you mean. Be there when she needs you physically, emotionally and sexually.

5. Coitus: Make love to her, don’t just have sex with her

You might find number 5 a bit off because I mentioned coitus. Trust me, it’s not off. I meant each and every word.

Making love is still very important if you still want her to believe you love her and find her attractive. Not doing this might go the other way round affecting her self-esteem. Maybe in future dates, I’ll talk about the insecurities of women so you can know how deep this goes.

6. Help her out, this shows you love her

I think I have mentioned this point not once but twice in this article but I’ll say it again “be there for her when she needs you”. Help her out in everything except when you’re not around. If she is incapable of moving around, be her legs. If she is visually impaired, be her eyes, if she is deaf, be her ears, if she’s dumb, be her mouth.

7. Reach for her mind; not her body

Most people think the most beautiful thing in this life are things that can only be seen can only be with the human eyes. This is not true! The most beautiful things are the things we cannot see with our eyes but things we can feel (and when I’m talking about feel here, I’m not talking about what you can feel with your hands, I’m talking about what you can feel with your mind and soul).

Be your wife’s lover, her coach, her sex companion and her motivator.

Every human being has a beautiful mind they just need someone to tell them this is true. Women who have gone far today in their carrier will tell you they owe it first to God and then to their husbands.

If you think your wife is useless because of what she is or what she has become then she is but if you believe that despite how she looks physically she is beautiful on the inside and she is intelligent then she is.

Remember she’s leaning on you for emotional support. Speaking positively to her will make her the wonder woman God has made her to be.

8. Get help (house help), you’ll need one

Yes, for things to be easy for you and your wife, you need to get a house help. Someone you feel can assist you in the home with the mundane things so that you can focus on the things only you can do for her. Like bathing her, feeding her, changing her clothes, taking her to bed…

Doing this grows intimacy amongst both of you and you know what they say about intimacy. It sky-rocks every marriage into space.

9. Pay attention to her looks (in a positive way)

Part of the things that can continue to keep you attracted to your wife despite her disability is her looks. You (Men) are a visual creature[s] and you will always be stimulated by what you see (this is not a curse). That pretty lady you find attractive is fine because a man is taking care of her.

The fact that your wife is blind doesn’t mean you should not make her hair. The fact that she cannot move her body doesn’t mean you should not buy her a stunning dress or lingerie. Do her manicures, make her hair.

All these will make you realize as the day goes by that she is beautiful than you think and this will make you love her the more.

10. Have your “me” time

Definitely, this blog post cannot come to an end without me talking about the “me” time for men. Please, it is important you find your “me” time no matter how busy you are with work and your wife. This is important if you don’t want to feel choked in your marriage.

Men who practice “me” in their marriage always feel energised when they come back home. So that this regularly.

Keep hope alive and start enjoying your life.

We have come to the end of this blog post. I hope it gave you all you wanted. If I did not, read other materials on this topic. Remember I said this earlier.

Please, I’ll like to hear from you. Comment and don’t forget to share our post J

Regards to your wife!

Image Credits To elissa baldwin / Flickr

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